7th April. Today marks my 3rd year anniversary of playing Garupa. I'm gonna be honest, I don't know at all what I want to write but I don't want to repeat the same story I always have when it comes to how Bandori has changed me. I'll just try my best to speak from the heart!
Okay, first, how about I quickly sum up myself from 2018, the me still in secondary school, a good three years younger than I am now.
Let's not beat around the bush. I hated myself. I had already spent nearly 3 years in secondary school at this point and it's safe to say. Yeah, I didn't get out of those years in the best..I guess mental state. The me who not only hated myself but also hated other people because of how some were more cruel than others. The me who couldn't enjoy the things I liked publicly because people were harsh and judgemental. The me who let people walk all over me and didn't stop getting walked all over throughout the rest of secondary school. Can't exactly lie, I think it was really stupid of me to think like this though. The me who insisted that people were horrible and that there is nothing to believe in. It is a stupid thing to think.
3 years ago I saw my younger sister playing Bandori and, well got interested and got it for myself. This was still when I was majorly in this weird spiral of negativity. I was half expecting my experience playing Bandori to be similar to when I played LLSIF, which I didn't get very invested in at all. But then I realised I was having fun playing it. I distinctly remember how I felt stupidly happy when I realised that I recognised the song Sugar Song and Bitter Step from the few times I heard it on Youtube. And maybe, just maybe. Things in life weren't all entirely bad. Maybe things were a little okay sometimes. Getting invested in these band girls' lives and what they do and seeing what cards and songs released. It was something nice to look forward to!
- First off. Kaoru Seta. I will always say Kaoru was the first character I truly enjoyed in any form of media ever. She's just this handsome girl who seems cool on the surface but really she's an idiot but deeper inside she is caring and knows what to do to ease others and still has her own fears of heights and scary things. Kaoru's confidence and character development is just something I admire. How she could be this shy young girl who cared a lot for Chisato and eventually got into theater and developed a new character for herself to be more confident is just admirable to me. And despite all that, she is undoubtedly the same Kaoru from when she and Chisato were children. She's a character I still look up to and respect.
- This is the part I always talk about when it comes to this kind of thing. Bandori was what introduced me to this community! It's BanPa where I feel most comfortable in myself and even though the site's community may have changed since I first joined, I still feel comfortable.
- Leading on from that, BanPa subsequently lead to me joining Nija's BanPamong Us server! Everyone there is fun to talk to and I can call the people I 've spoken to through the server my good friends. Even though they have to watch me occasionally lapse into the same thoughts I would have had 3 years ago, they still stick by me. I know I need to listen to all of you more when you say good things about me and I need to trust you all more when you say things. I do want to change that part of me. Speaking of change...
- Change is a big theme for Morfonica but I'll be honest, I have mostly associated "change" with Mashiro. Mashiro became my 2nd favourite character after reading Morfonica's band story and when I was reading it, I knew there was something about Mashiro that I felt was relatable and maybe I didn't realise entirely what that was until now. Mashiro wants to change. Not only in becoming a better vocalist but I mainly viewed the way she behaves as the thing she can change the most. Mashiro isn't very confident, is very shy and isn't the most positive person ever. She even says some pretty harsh things during the band story. But the resolve she has by the end of the band story to change and become better is admirable. I don't know how to word it but if Kaoru is the girl I wanted to be, Mashiro is actually the girl I am right now. And if Mashiro can aspire to change and become better, I want to maybe try doing that as well! I want to reach something similar to the daylight that Mashiro wants to reach and hold in her hand someday.
I know the initial question was "How has Bandori changed your life" but I still feel like it is changing things, especially with the inclusion of Morfonica now. Summing it up, I do feel happier. I know I am still not the best person ever and I know I still don't have the best thoughts ever but I'm certain that someday I will reach that. I have hope now. And now I know this seems weird to talk to myself but...
A message from my heart to the me who was still in secondary school,
"Mate, things are hard right now but you need to believe that things will get better. You may feel like people don't like you and that you absolutely despise people. That's not true though. You will have people that care a lot about you, they'll care too much about you, worry about you even when you say everything's okay. And in return you'll have so much love to give to those people. They'll be some of the best people you'll talk to. You may feel like nothing will change. But if you can try to change yourself and better yourself, things will get better and change for good. The light seems far away right now and it might not even be there for you at whatever point in life you're at but it will get closer and you'll feel like you'll grasp it. When that day comes, you will shout into the sky for everyone to hear that you did it.
For now, just keep being as you are. Fate will eventually treat you well in the end and the me right now is proof of that."