so close fam. but im not even mad

every day i get nearer and nearer to my ultimate goal as a thumbs player: fc’ing this song.

its been extensive process u see. in order to fc this song my thumbs simply need to be longer. so ever since two months ago ive been utilizing thumb-lengthening techniques

firstly i boil my thumbs in a pot of water for about 12 minutes everyday. this is known as the “al dente pasta” method and it perfectly softens ur thumbs to be highly flexible

next i take a flat iron and press each of my thumbs about four to five times with the heat. this effectively dries the boiling water off, as to prevent what would otherwise become instant frostbite

then i tie my thumb to the back of my mom’s car with rope and drag her car thru the neighborhood a few times. this gives me some much-needed thumb endurance

finally i massage my thumbs for about 3 seconds with a dab of baby lotion. this trains me to deal with intense pain, as the other techniques are not as excruciating as this one