Hey guys im not back in texas yet but i had some free time and i missed being on here so i thought i would say hi its been really hard being in my grandmas house the first few times we got to the house i would cry because she would usually be outside waiting for us and i just really miss her ever since she died last year ive been trying to just forget everything but now that we are in arizona again its like all those emotions that i had when i first found out she died are back and i feel really lonley even with my mom here i dont want to talk to her about how i am feeling because 1 i dont want to see her cry and 2 im not used to talking about my feelings it makes me feel weak i usually just bottle them up until i cant anymore and thats kind of whats happening right now we cleaner the floors yesterday and i ended up crying infromt of my mom cause we found the stain where she dropped her milkshake while she had her stroke and its really not fair that she had to die she was always kind to everyone and she was always a good person who never did anything wrong byt she had such a rough life and just to end up dying in such a horrible way its not fair im sorry for the sad rant or if i annoyed anyone with the long post i just really needed to talk about this